club cinnamon's june newsletter

wario's tips for summer: drink all the shampoo in the house

hello club cinnamon I hope you are having a safe and sexy summer so far! summer is all about eating a sandwich and waiting at least 30 minutes before going swimming!!!! and making out in a hotel pool!!! those are the rules!!!

not sure how the club is doing — I've been really bad at checking notifications. how are you??? what are some movies you've seen this year that you love? should we start a club cinnamon playlist where you guys drop your fav tracks? or selfishly, songs that you would play for me if we went on a road trip to see the UFO McDonald’s in Roswell, New Mexico.

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A guy I am willing to die for (I found out he exists like 3 days ago)

Tiny Chef!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’ve opened any social media app in June, there’s a good chance you’ve seen Cheffy. His show was canceled by Nickelodeon and he is really sad about it. If you’ve somehow avoided this — please watch this and be ready to cry. This is an important video to go viral because we are living in a time where media execs are salivating over stupid, soulless AI-generated art. AI can’t replace the human emotion you feel from watching a tiny humanoid chef cry on his bed. I also don’t think AI knows how to authentically replicate bursting into tears while you were attempting to continue a task you were doing before The Sadness. Anyway, the team behind the show needs money or else tiny chef dies — support tiny chef here!!!

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Club Cinnamon Item of the Month

June’s item: MY BOOBS!!!!!!!

Over the years online, I’ve received plenty of replies/messages from people who will say stuff like “why are your tits in every picture”, “put your boobs away”, and other comments calling me a slut for simply having big boobs. I’ve never responded to those comments because I don’t care but it was slightly annoying to see people on substack say that. You knew what you signed up for! I say this a lot but just don’t be weird. Don’t overthink or overanalyze any of this. I think I have nice boobs and I like my boobs. It’s that simple. Sorry if my boobs are in a picture of me holding a Rainforest Cafe cup but that’s just how things go ‘round here. I think I have a really nice ass too but thankfully I don’t have the confidence to post ass on main yet. I know my limits.

How things are lookin’ like in June 2025:

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Happy Father’s Day!

Sorry for not doing a shout out for Mother’s Day but I don’t think club cinnamon has any milfs sadly. We love our club cinnamon dads though — even the extremely divorced ones. There is one divorced dad in club cinnamon that I want to shout out specifically. This divorced dad has followed me for a long time even before he was a divorced dad. I remember his wife used to make him unfollow me on Twitter/IG and I felt bad about it. I was never a threat to anyone’s marriage! I even tweeted about it!

david cross is not the divorced dad — I just thought it was a funny bit we were doing

When I was single, I gave the club cinnamon divorced dad my phone number but he never made a move or asked me out on a date. It was for the best — if it worked out, it would have been a weird Tubi dark comedy plot where the e-girl you told your husband to unfollow online is now the stepmom of your children. Anyway, I hope all dads had a lovely day filled with Steely Dan deep cuts and plenty of standing directly in front of the TV while you watch a movie. I added a picture of a fictional dad that I think is hot — he has a demanding career as a mini wheat but he also finds time to be an attentive father which I find quite noble.

“little bites mini wheats” are his children btw

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The Pope Wears a White Sox Hat

This is one of those moments where I feel like I’m in a coma. Last year, I felt really bad for the White Sox (because…uhh…41-121) so I’m quite happy they have a pope now. Maybe I am in a coma because a picture of a pope sporting a crappy baseball team hat should have been in the headlines for weeks. I saw this pic once on the MLB Instagram page and never heard about it or saw it again. It’s a POPE IN A BASEBALL HAT — do these things not matter anymore???

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Can I do a video games month? Would that be annoying? Is cosplaying cringe?

I was thinking about doing a video games themed month for one of these newsletters if that’s ok. I promise it will not be entirely about the Nintendo GameCube (I do love the Nintendo GameCube). Can I cosplay Mayor Pauline while I’m still young and voluptuous too? Is that allowed?

I also really love horror video games. I’ve played so many but I still think Resident Evil 7 (the one where the republican family hunts you for sport) is the scariest game ever (if you know of a scarier game, please tell me). Resident Evil 8 isn’t scary to me because beautiful vampire women are trying to kill me in that game and I think that’s fair. Anyway, the scariest moment in a video game is actually from the intros to the Tony Hawk games. There would be an eyeball crawling around in the intros and I had to sit there and watch it get impaled. I was just a kid fighting for my life each time I wanted to play a game where I could skate around and listen to Fountains of Wayne and Jimmy Eat World. The scary eyeball was not cool Mr. Hawk. Thankfully Toontown Online was there for me during these dark times.

ahhhhhh!!!!!! so scary!!!!!!

ok that’s enough for now.

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cb’s diary entry #6:

It was definitely one of those months that felt like it was never going to end. The Elon-Trump breakup happened this month too which feels like forever ago. It’s nice that I haven’t heard much Elon-related news lately so I can’t really complain. A lot happened this month and most of it made me feel sick. I felt like I was opening my phone and reading about the horrors more often than usual this month.

I’ve been feeling weird because I’m in a good place in my life — I’m surrounded by so much love and happiness that it sometimes overwhelms me and makes me feel guilty. I remember having an amazing day this month — running around France with a man I love and then opening my phone to see World War III trending on Twitter. I mean, World War III trends every other month on Twitter but it still made me feel weird. Saw lots of “Before WW3 starts, does anybody want to admit they have a crush on me” posts on the timeline so that was oddly comforting to see — we’ve been through so much that I don’t even know how many variations of that meme I’ve seen in my lifetime. It definitely has a lengthy Know Your Meme page.

It was the first time I’ve been to the French Riviera and I hate that the most memorable thing I saw there was a guy at the Nice airport wearing a Replacements band shirt. It’s memorable because I couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid it is to wear that shirt in Europe. Like why would you reveal yourself as American??? Read the room! Wear a Rush shirt dude.

The things that didn’t make me feel sick this month: seeing my friends spam their IG stories from their day at a Pride fest, seeing my friends spam their IG stories with “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys, seeing young people in England dress exactly how my bf would dress in the 1990s, and Zohran Mamdani being elected President of the United States of America.

Besides the bad stuff, it was a good month and I know I should be more positive. I got to see a Flubber car in LA this month (see below for Flubber car). I went to a Dodgers game with my family for Father’s Day weekend. I went back to Santa Monica and saw one of the Coco robot food delivery things on the street. Coco brought back a nice memory from when I brought my bf back to my old house in Santa Monica in between Coachella weekends last year — we were walking down the street and saw a Coco robot and we both said “hello” to the robot at the same time. I hope Coco appreciated our friendliness.

I love my life

I drove through my favorite highway, the PCH for the first time since the LA fires in January and man, it was devastating and dystopian — there are still charred cars sitting on the side of the highway. Here’s a little glimpse of the good part (parked across from the Getty Villa listening to the Sum 41 abortion echo song):

In January, I posted about how I was stressed out about immigrant communities possibly being uprooted by a cruel and racist agenda and it was sadly actualized in full force this month. ICE is all over America, ICE is in LA — neighborhood apps are filled with “ICE sighting” notifications. The people who made my childhood so bright are scared to take their kids to school and go to work. I already posted about how other administrations have similarly impacted the communities I’ve lived in but it’s different this time. The current administration is leading with so much hate. I am not excusing other administrations for their mass deportations and I still maintain that ICE should be abolished but it truly is different this time. In LA, I saw ads on TV from the Secretary of Homeland Security issuing a warning for undocumented people to leave the country and using the words “we will hunt you down”. I’m not going to link it out but the ad is on the DHS website and also airs while you’re watching fucking Jeopardy. People washing cars and selling fruit are not criminals. Children going to school are not criminals. I’ve cried so much about this — it’s deeply upsetting to me. I still can’t concisely put all of my feelings into words. I hate the idea of such a vibrant community living in fear. I don’t want people to stop speaking Spanish. I don’t want people to stop playing their ranchera songs. Even a white former Scientologist knew how to write a genuine song about LA (love you Beck). One of my most cherished memories from my childhood is running outside with my cousins to greet the elote man who would walk down our street each evening honking his corn horn. I hate the idea of Los Angeles existing without the people who make it so lively. The city is named “Los Angeles” — what the hell does that mean in English?

I would go to the Vineland Swap Meet as a kid and I would watch my mom befriend the vendors. There was a woman from El Salvador who sold clothes at the swap meet that my mom became close with over the years. This lovely woman watched me and my sisters grow up, knew our birthdays, she’d go to our parties with her family and she’d invite us to hers. Her parties were amazing — delicious food and fun music. And dancing — lots of dancing. There’s a video (on VHS, yes I’m old) of toddler me dancing with another little girl to “Azúcar Amargo” by Fey at one of her parties. If I was stuck going only to Blake family parties, I would have probably spent my entire childhood sitting in the living room until the Steely Dan records put me to sleep. I feel sorry for the hateful people who do not have any sympathy for the families that are being destroyed. I feel sorry for them because they have never experienced a sense of community. I want to end this on a positive note but I don’t think I have one. I hope things will get better — but why must people suffer until things get better?