club cinnamon's march newsletter

it is baseball season my dudes

Sorry to start the newsletter like this but if you are reading these each month and harassing me about what I share — this is simply not the place for you. You went out of your way to read a girl’s diary and you’re bullying her about it? In the words of American actor and rapper Ice-T, “Ok...You're strange...”

A little voice note (final warning) from me that I recorded while on a walk so I can look like a big shot:

And to the 98% of club cinnamon members who are kind to me — someday I will kiss you on the forehead. There’s no need for you to listen to the voice note. Next month, I’ll probably record a voice note of me reading inappropriate Bee Movie fan fictions, I think you’d enjoy that one more.

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Top 10 Irish Guys

Hope everyone had a safe and sexy St. Patrick’s Day! Here’s a list of the best Irish guys.

1. Uncle O’Grimacey (Green Grimace)

That concludes the list, thanks for watching!

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Club Cinnamon Item of the Month

March’s item: Rainforest Cafe Froggy Cup(s)

Oh my beloved Rainforest Cafe. The only place in the world where I can eat frozen pasta while an animatronic monkey yells at me. And the thunderstorm — the goddamn thunderstorm. It’s all very cinematic. Similar to Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville — the novelty will never wear off.

This cup is neat because it has a bonus froggy toy for some reason. I will never free him from his froggy cup prison.

note how the old cup has a froggy in a froggy prison

As for the new cup I got in Arizona this month — they changed it up a bit. It has a lanyard now. The face is different. There’s no bonus froggy prison toy. It’s ok. This one is rad because my parents bought it for me.

new froggy cup I got this month

A perfect day!!!!

Random Cinnafact: My Twitter account is blocked by the Rainforest Cafe account. I never did anything weird or mean but my theory is that I got blocked because my good friend tagged me in her pic and also tagged Rainforest Cafe. My good friend is an adult film actress named Sadie Holmes, who told me she also got blocked. Sad to see that happen to innocent, voluptuous women like us.

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And Watto who did NOT die!

In January, I wrote about Watto being dead but apparently Watto isn’t dead. The thing about Watto is that he has a little hat and because of that he can never be killed. You can never be killed if you’re wearing a cute little hat — it’s common knowledge.

A really good DM I woke up to:

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Remember Yuck?

The guy from Yuck won an Oscar. I could not tell you the name of that man if you asked me. I don’t really care about award shows but I thought that was a cool thing that happened this month. I have not thought about Yuck to this extent since I was a teenager. I was basically their reply guy in 2011:

I spent some time this month reflecting on the debut Yuck record from 2011. So many memories came back to me and I even made some new ones so far this month. I was able to sneak “Operation” on the kissing and hugging playlist. It was a surprisingly good song to kiss and hug to.

I remember being in high school and showing my friend Karla the “Holing Out” music video in the computer lab and feeling like a god because I had bypassed the nudity firewall on the school computer (there’s a naked lady in the video and we thought it ruled). Karla is still one of my dearest friends and I appreciate her entertaining my nonsense when I was an annoying teenager and now as an annoying adult who spams her Instagram feed daily. It makes me really happy every time I unearth a memory from my teen years because I remember that there’s a good chance that Karla might share the same one too. Anyway, I loved that song so much. It felt so fresh to me even though their sound is probably what you’d hear play on a college radio station in the 90’s. I say probably because I was an infant in the 90’s and simply too baby to be in college.

When they debuted, blogs would frequently compare Yuck to Dinosaur Jr. and My Bloody Valentine — the inspiration isn’t overwhelming but it’s visible. I immediately wanted to learn how to play “Holing Out” on the guitar. It’s simple and messy and so fun to play. There weren’t tabs online for any of the songs but again, the songs were simple enough where I could meticulously observe the (very few) live video performances available online and easily learn the songs. I wanted to play the songs with a group for fun but I didn’t know anyone IRL who liked the band so I posted a Craigslist ad to see if anyone would want to hang out and play these songs. Not a joke. I was a minor and I could have found myself in a rather serious predicament but the only person who replied to the post was a kid my age named Andrew who I knew went to my high school, as he replied with his school email. I was too nervous to reply back so I deleted the post.

A few months later during the summer, I rode my bike to my friend Sam’s house to play music in his mom’s garage. A typical lazy summer day plus my then high school boyfriend was away at Eagle Scout camp (a model citizen, that one) and I was very bored. There were a few people already there when I arrived — including Andrew, the kid from Craigslist. It was such a silly moment because he never found out he was in the same room as the anon he responded to on Craigslist. Of course, I suggested we play a Yuck song.

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cb’s diary entry #4:

I’m writing this earlier in the month because I know I’m going to be really busy later in March. I recently got back from Arizona (I didn’t meet my favorite baseball player Shota Imanaga but I got to see a McDonald’s Garfield Cadmium Mug in person) then I’ll be traveling to Paris again plus birthdays and also Disney adulting plans — it’s a stacked month. I’ll figure out how to schedule this to send at the end of the month.

I’m already looking forward to going back to Arizona next year to watch spring training games. Maybe next year I can pretend to be a baseball influencer. I feel like the sport is missing a Hot Ones or Chicken Shop Date influencer. I would need to be blonde, tan, and probably have my huge boobs out in an American flag tank top. I could sit down with a player and play Wii Sports Resort or maybe a truck driving simulator game with them and make them feel really weird. We could call it Bimbo Baseball. This would just be an elaborate scheme to meet Shota Imanaga (or Zack Greinke if a team can sign him just for fun and for my enjoyment).

My favorite souvenir from Arizona

Anyway, I can’t wait to fly back to LA and take in a few games at Dodger Stadium this year. Eating a comically long hot dog while listening to club cinnamon member Dieter Ruehle play “Amber” by 311 on the organ — there’s nothing better than that. Can I also just say that I love Freddie Freeman so much? I know we got Rōki Sasaki and I’m over the moon about it — but I just love Freddie Freeman and have an even greater appreciation for him. He could have easily Anthony Rendon’d it. Freddie had already won a ring with the Braves and also had himself an MVP season. He could have perpetually chilled on the IL while collecting his checks à la Rendon but he’s been so tremendous and good to us. I love my life! Also, if anyone reading this is a fan of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim — I am truly so sorry and I will pray for your team to end their postseason drought this year.

This is me praying for Angels fans

And sorry for the Disney adult stuff by the way but I’m just so mesmerized by Disneyland Paris. It’s such a fucked up amusement park — I love it. The French rides are more intense than the ones in America — their Space Mountain is super scary and made me cry. I went a few times last year and walked out of that ride with my mascara smeared like I just gave the sloppiest blowjob. They also don’t have a Haunted Mansion ride but instead have a ride called “Phantom Manor” which is basically like the Haunted Mansion but more fucked up with a really scary guy who wants you dead (you die at the end btw). I’m so scared as I type this. Ahhhhhh (that’s me yellin’). There’s also randomly a weird Cars themed ride behind Ratatouille World. Like I’m not even sure if it’s a ride. You get on a tram and they show you a few cars from the movie Cars. And that’s it. That’s the ride.

While walking around London, I’ve had three people so far compliment my Lou Reed shirt (see below). It just seems like a random thing to compliment but I thought it was cool that three teenage girls like Lou Reed — they’re just like me when I was their age. It’s a really old shirt. My dad got it at a Lou Reed show in San Diego. I thought it was nice that people liked it. It wasn’t until a fourth person pointed to my shirt and said “Charlie’s shirt!” It all became clear to me. I googled Charli XCX Lou Reed and yep, there’s my shirt! She wore it on SNL! I don’t know these things! I wear that shirt a lot because again, it’s my dad’s shirt and also it’s very comfy. If you follow me on Instagram, you might remember the shirt from my story last year when I explained the science behind the t-shirt challenge (it’s when you wear a big baggy shirt and then you pull your shirt back really tight to reveal massive tits). I did the challenge again in January’s newsletter with my Call of Duty Nuketown shirt. I really do love science!

Lastly, I’m excited to see the magnolias bloom this spring and get really into birdwatching again. It’s a mostly touristy area but I love venturing through Kensington High Street. It’s the closest I feel to being in Santa Monica — walking by the same shops that I’d find at Third Street Promenade and also seeing people fighting on the sidewalks. I like concluding that lovely stroll with some birdwatching at the Kensington Gardens (pigeonwatching if I’m being honest). I also enjoy watching my dogs run around the park and torment the posh British dogs. Last year, I saw a guy sitting on a park bench there and he was showing his dog YouTube videos. He was playing videos of dogs barking and he was showing his dog the videos. I think about that man a lot. 10/10 park.

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Warning: Star Wars month is right around the corner and I have tons of really dumb Star Wars stuff that I want to show you. Just wanted to let you know for your own safety.